Step 10 - On Slander

8. Fire and Water are incompatible; and so is judging others in one who wants to repent. If you see someone falling into sin at the very moment of his death, even then do not judge him, because the Divine judgement is hidden from men. Some have fallen openly into great sins, but they have done greater good deeds in secret; so their critics were tricked, getting smoke instead of the sun.

10. Hasty and severe judges of the sins of their neighbor fall into this passion because they have not yet attained to a thorough and constant remembrance and concern for their own sins. For if anyone could see his own vices accurately without the veil of self love, he would worry about no one else in this life, considering that he would not have time enough for mourning for himself, even though he were to see a whole River Jordan of tears streaming from his eyes. I have observed such mourning, and I did not find in it even a trace of calumny or criticism.

17. Do not Condemn, even if you see with your eyes, for they are often deceived.

The Kingdom of Heaven Suffers Violence....

"I have seen men poor and needy in virtue, with words not clever but rather humble, vague and stumbling, call shamelessly and persistently from the depths of a desperate heart upon the Heavenly King, and by their violence force His inviolable nature and compassion."

St. John Climacus - The Ladder of Divine Ascent

The door of the Kingdom is already open

We are in the first week of Lent and these words from the Great Canon of St. Andrew of Crete that we celebrated last night are necessary for me. May we remain sober and vigilant....ever expecting! Enlighten my eyes oh Lord that I sleep not in death, lest mine enemies say, I have prevailed against him!

My soul, my soul, arise! Why are you sleeping? The end is drawing near, and you will be confounded. Awake, then, and be watchful, that Christ our God may spare you, Who is everywhere present and fills all things.

Seeing Christ's healing temple opened, and how health Streams from Him to Adam, the devil suffered and was stricken. Then he wailed as if in mortal danger and to his friends raised a bitter howl: what shall I do to the Son of Mary? The Bethlehemite is killing me, Who is everywhere present and fills all things.

Like coals of immaterial fire, burn my material passions, and kindle in me now, O Apostles, a longing for divine love.

Smash the passionate idols of my soul, as you smashed the temples and pillars of the enemy, O Apostles of the Lord, consecrated temples.

Christ became man and called to repentance robbers and harlots. Repent, my soul! The door of the Kingdom is already open, and the transformed pharisees, publicans and adulterers are seizing it ahead of you.

Beneficial to me?

"These tortures are very beneficial to me.  Just as wheat cannot arrive at the granary before it is cleansed from the chaff, so my soul cannot enter into paradise if my body is not humbled by tortures beforehand."

- The Holy Martyr Agatha (251)

   Commemorated February 5th

The path of descent is essential to the path of ascent.  One must go down in order to be raised up.  One must die in order that one might truly live.  One must embrace suffering as a fountain of life.  For it is Christ who revealed this path to us, and in so doing reveals the path of salvation to us if we have eyes to see.  When the urge to avoid pain arises we must walk into the fire, for it is in the fire that we are purified of our passions, and the scales slowly peel back from our blinded eyes and we are illumined to reality....the reality that Christ is in our Midst......He is and ever shall be!

The Best Roads of All....

This song was the first song Friday played on my radio once we got the Ipod working in the Truck. It is mystically sweet how God orchestrates divine encounters . Given this day was the day of our departure down roads of the earth and roads of the spirit.....I thought this song says it best....Enjoy!

Child Of The Wind

I love the pounding of hooves
I love engines that roar
I love the wild music of waves on the shore
And the spiral perfection of a hawk when it soars
Love my sweet woman down to the core

There's roads and there's roads
And they call, can't you hear it?
Roads of the earth
And roads of the spirit
The best roads of all
Are the ones that aren't certain
One of those is where you'll find me
Till they drop the big curtain

(CHORUS:)
Hear the wind moan
In the bright diamond sky
These mountains are waiting
Brown-green and dry
I'm too old for the term
But I'll use it anyway
I'll be a child of the wind
Till the end of my days

Little round planet
In a big universe
Sometimes it looks blessed
Sometimes it looks cursed
Depends on what you look at obviously
But even more it depends on the way that you see

(Chorus)

Bruce Cockburn - (Tucson, December 24, 1989)

Goodbye Indy!

I think the reality of leaving is setting in a little bit. I have been angry lately, and I think one contributing factor is that life is moving towards this moment so fast, and the reality of perfect goodbyes with everyone is impossible. This is the end of a chapter of our lives....perhaps a volume....and we are beginning to write the next.

This past weekend in Indianapolis was our last, and no longer will be 3 hours away capable of the 1/2 dozen our so annual visits that took place over the last 6 years since we moved away. Indy will always hold a place of significance in our journey and we leave behind lots of memories and friends.

Obviously our friendships do not end....but the distance makes the frequency of visits much more difficult, and we realize things will change. I don't even like to write that down. A part of me wants to hold on to this chapter a little bit longer as if more time would allow for a "better ending".

That of course if an emotional response, but it has been interesting to encounter all of the emotion that is surrounding this next step.

I am encountering much that has not been anticipated within myself as we take this journey.....some thoughts......

I am realizing that with great risk comes great sacrifice! If you want to move forward you have to let go and risk boldly!

I have realized that any grandiose or sentimental vision of the future must be crucified for obedience in the moment we now hold.

I am beginning to realize the necessity of suffering to truly understand joy. I am realizing that fear of failure is a great reason to keep trying.

I am realizing that a Great Idea with no action will always be a GREAT IDEA! I have realized that a great idea with action often results in a better idea that requires action.

I am realizing that I don't nearly appreciate the gift of my family enough, and how essential they are to my Salvation. I am not worthy of them.

I am realizing that the many friends and family we are leaving are a gift and that we are very rich people for being blessed with so many people that Love, Pray, and Care for us immensely.

...And now for the first of many goodbyes we don't really now how to do perfectly....Goodbye Indianapolis.....We Love You!

Oasis

I don’t have a large collection of CDs or for that matter a vast array or artists I like…just a few. And for some reason Bill Mallonee keeps finding his way to the top of my list. Honestly, some of his music I just don’t get, but then there are songs that just nail it for me…..Kind of the same with Bruce Cockburn.

I seem to relate to these guys particularly on the pain side of things. I guess they put into words what I can’t and whether or not it makes sense to anyone else….I can relate.

My recent life is fairly calculated with the move to Colorado and all the planning, preparing and work that goes into making this transition. These last 6 months have felt like a Perpetual “To Do List”, and I find myself 6 weeks from moving with the same damn “To Do List”.

So, when I got an email from “Bill Mallonee News” stating he was in town Monday night for the last show of this tour in St. Louis at my favorite club, “Off Broadway”……my heart jumped…only to be laughed at by my “To Do List”.

…But as fate….The Lord’s Mercy….would have it, a recent dinner date with our friends, Eric and Liz Hehman, was canceled a week ago, only to be rescheduled for Monday night….on the Hill in St. Louis….mere miles away from Off Broadway. To sweeten the pot, Eric Hehman was a V.O.L. fan from the early 90’s. Eight Dollar tickets were too hard to pass up, so we abandoned our pregnant wives later in the evening for some bonding with Bill……yeah, it is wrong on many levels……welcome to Struggleville!

I linked to Bill’s MySpace page only to come across these lyrics that my “bloodied lil’ heart” could relate with. It has been a desert of sorts lately….

“flowers growing out of the desert
flowers out of parched ground
flowers coming right up through the cracks
of the pavement in this old town

flowering’s not a science,
no, it’s more like a fine art
flowers coming right up through cracks
of our beat up, broken-down, bloodied lil’ hearts”

- Bill Mallonee ~Album: PermaFrost