Goodbye Indy!

I think the reality of leaving is setting in a little bit. I have been angry lately, and I think one contributing factor is that life is moving towards this moment so fast, and the reality of perfect goodbyes with everyone is impossible. This is the end of a chapter of our lives....perhaps a volume....and we are beginning to write the next.

This past weekend in Indianapolis was our last, and no longer will be 3 hours away capable of the 1/2 dozen our so annual visits that took place over the last 6 years since we moved away. Indy will always hold a place of significance in our journey and we leave behind lots of memories and friends.

Obviously our friendships do not end....but the distance makes the frequency of visits much more difficult, and we realize things will change. I don't even like to write that down. A part of me wants to hold on to this chapter a little bit longer as if more time would allow for a "better ending".

That of course if an emotional response, but it has been interesting to encounter all of the emotion that is surrounding this next step.

I am encountering much that has not been anticipated within myself as we take this journey.....some thoughts......

I am realizing that with great risk comes great sacrifice! If you want to move forward you have to let go and risk boldly!

I have realized that any grandiose or sentimental vision of the future must be crucified for obedience in the moment we now hold.

I am beginning to realize the necessity of suffering to truly understand joy. I am realizing that fear of failure is a great reason to keep trying.

I am realizing that a Great Idea with no action will always be a GREAT IDEA! I have realized that a great idea with action often results in a better idea that requires action.

I am realizing that I don't nearly appreciate the gift of my family enough, and how essential they are to my Salvation. I am not worthy of them.

I am realizing that the many friends and family we are leaving are a gift and that we are very rich people for being blessed with so many people that Love, Pray, and Care for us immensely.

...And now for the first of many goodbyes we don't really now how to do perfectly....Goodbye Indianapolis.....We Love You!

Oasis

I don’t have a large collection of CDs or for that matter a vast array or artists I like…just a few. And for some reason Bill Mallonee keeps finding his way to the top of my list. Honestly, some of his music I just don’t get, but then there are songs that just nail it for me…..Kind of the same with Bruce Cockburn.

I seem to relate to these guys particularly on the pain side of things. I guess they put into words what I can’t and whether or not it makes sense to anyone else….I can relate.

My recent life is fairly calculated with the move to Colorado and all the planning, preparing and work that goes into making this transition. These last 6 months have felt like a Perpetual “To Do List”, and I find myself 6 weeks from moving with the same damn “To Do List”.

So, when I got an email from “Bill Mallonee News” stating he was in town Monday night for the last show of this tour in St. Louis at my favorite club, “Off Broadway”……my heart jumped…only to be laughed at by my “To Do List”.

…But as fate….The Lord’s Mercy….would have it, a recent dinner date with our friends, Eric and Liz Hehman, was canceled a week ago, only to be rescheduled for Monday night….on the Hill in St. Louis….mere miles away from Off Broadway. To sweeten the pot, Eric Hehman was a V.O.L. fan from the early 90’s. Eight Dollar tickets were too hard to pass up, so we abandoned our pregnant wives later in the evening for some bonding with Bill……yeah, it is wrong on many levels……welcome to Struggleville!

I linked to Bill’s MySpace page only to come across these lyrics that my “bloodied lil’ heart” could relate with. It has been a desert of sorts lately….

“flowers growing out of the desert
flowers out of parched ground
flowers coming right up through the cracks
of the pavement in this old town

flowering’s not a science,
no, it’s more like a fine art
flowers coming right up through cracks
of our beat up, broken-down, bloodied lil’ hearts”

- Bill Mallonee ~Album: PermaFrost